Why Let Go?

Why did I have to let him go?

Why did I have to rip my heart out, keep my head high, and walk straight into an unknown future?

Time. It’s about time that I needed to realize my self-worth, my self-respect.

I trusted him, but he couldn’t take the responsibility. I trusted him, I trusted him.

Trust, trust, and trust. Such a small word, that could mean the whole world for someone.

I had to reproach myself again, this time however, a different demon to blame.

I had to let go because it’s more powerful than holding on. And I am powerful. I am The Light. I am The Life. And I’ve never seen a life so full of love and warmth.

I miss my home, a home I will never know. For how can a lost soul find a never existing home. It keeps moving around, giving its best for temporary peaceful moments. A well of love, of light.

Intimacy: The Falling Masks

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Please note that I have posted this article before (around 2012) on another website. I came across the post by chance and decided to modify it after all the changes that happened in the last few years. Ironically, few things still make sense, even though I changed a lot. Hope you enjoy it!
Intimacy.

Intimacy, as simple as the word is, can be considered one of the most important reasons behind the failure of our relationships, regardless of gender, time, distance, or continent.

The idea behind this post has been the fruit of several personal experiences that I am not planning to discuss here. But after some hindsight and reflecting on the past, these ideas seem more than crucial.

Having several relationships has taught me that any human connection without intimacy is doomed to fail. As a matter-of-fact, any relationship, whether love or friendship, will screw up without intimacy.

The main problem with intimacy is that we do not accept the true nature of our feelings, nor admit to the basic needs of our humanity. Intimacy is the gift of giving without asking, trusting without worrying, believing, dreaming, and all that comes with it. Thus, when we are in a relationship with someone, we try to be intimate and open up until we stand emotionally naked in front of our partner. However, this is not what truly happens in most cases, and many never put down their guards. That’s why the first relationship fails, followed by the second, third, fourth, etc.

People need to see the idea of exposing yourself emotionally to your partner and opening up to the darkest corners of your soul. You can argue that trust is something important here. How could I be so weak and emotional?! How can I trust the other person? But with time you enter a stage of trial and error, shuffling between partners and dates, replaying the same games and techniques.

I fully understand that nature requires the need to have relationships, as we are weak social beings in the end, and we will all have relationships and marriages. But my point here is the lack of intimacy. We do not admit that we are weak human beings. We live in the fear of being loved and left behind, to be cheated on or replaced. Therefore, we start creating those fake masks that show our perfect image to everyone around us. Slowly, we start losing our true identities between all these masks, and our intimate feelings drown deep inside. The symptoms start with the excessive fights over silly stuff until they end with a tragedy, where both partners depart with everlasting scars.

Personally, I learned this the hard way. Sometimes I wish someone told me this years ago, but it is never too late.

Open up and trust yourself. Regain your self-confidence so your partner and friends love you for who you truly are. I know it is very difficult to do this, but sometimes you just need to let go of the resistance, instead of forcing acceptance.

Beyond The Edge

Breaking down my walls, all the masks had to fall

How could he have seen the phantom behind?

Next to this lake, we walk naked, nothing left to lose

For our kingdom will never be the same again

Cold breezes stop to caress your soft pale skin

You shiver, my shell cannot keep you warm anymore

You speak to me, but the words fail in between our shores

Temporary silence fills the gaps, echoes startle my cores

I grew old in front of your eyes, innocence swept away

You never knew that in them was my hideaway

Now we wait for our lights to know your way back home

It’s a beautiful sight from here, the kindest heart set free

Lost for life, I stood here, a well of starlight and warmth

Enclosed by this crystal pond, my hopes letting go

My walls break down, and suddenly I don’t have to be afraid

For I have seen the light, the truth, the sea, the horizon

You are home, and the sunrise is dreaming of your light

I’m beyond the edge, the phantom gave up, for life has never stopped

 

Smoke and Mirrors

Under the blue skies, we were lost in this paradise

And my heart was beating, like a thousand drums in a choir

 

Brick by brick, we built ourselves a house of dreams

Painted it with rainbow feelings and moonlit promises

 

Darling, who could have known that love hurts like this

 

Next time I create the heavens, I won’t let you down

I’ll deliver you from all of this, smoke and mirrors

 

Eternal walks along my heart, as my time was running out

You sighed shyly, your crystal eyes shining brightly

 

Sweetheart, the horizon was not that far for both of us

 

Temporary serenades tranquil your beautiful loneliness

My fallen angel, life is all yours now, in birth and in death

 

Now sleep well dear heart, for you have been darkly desired

I’ll lay down with you, never forsake your light, dreaming again

The Silence

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Untouchable, time flew by

Unrecognizable, emotions faded away

Unhearable, whispers uttered swiftly

Outside, at the edge of my sight

You slipped away, without any fight

In this battle of love and hate

We lost ourselves, a turn of fate

Cause baby you are beautiful

In your pain, in your flame

Let yourself shine, beyond my reach

Proud, I will always be, of our days

Don’t regret, don’t blame, and never give up

For life is still young and beautiful

And on this sunny day, I bid farewell

From an ocean, so wild so sweet

A gentle breeze, a sigh of relief  

Forgiveness in the Hatred Zone

It took a lot of time to actually think about and decide whether publishing the following post is a good idea or not. There is something special about it, something that I could not decipher. It belongs to an old era that vanished a while ago. In all cases, here it is for the world to see.

Forgiveness in the Hatred Zone

I hope my pain turn into smiles upon the lips that gave me pain…

I hope my tears turn into sweet dreams in the imagination that made me cry…

I wish my depression turn into hope in the heart that molted me in depression…

I wish my hell turns into the rain of heavens and quenches the thirst of the deserts that gave fire to my hell…

I hope my loneliness turn into freedom upon the wings that set me in prison…

I wish a rose bloom upon the hands that buried me.

I hope he finds his shore, he who left me shipwrecked and lost…

“Death, love, and art are respectively the soul, the body, and the intellect of life.”

2 Tools To Stop Worrying

Are you a worrier? Do you come from a long line of worriers? Did you have fear-filled, overprotective parents or grandparents?

Here’s the good news: It’s not biological. There is no “worry” gene. What it is, instead, is a learned behavior. Nurture ousting nature.

Worrying is actually a socially acceptable way of saying you live in fear of what may happen in the future. Most likely, you also lack present-moment consciousness, since you cannot be here now while constantly projecting catastrophically into the future.

It is an anxiety-provoking, ingrained thought pattern that can cause a host of stress-related physical and psychological issues.

But don’t worry: If you are a worrywart, there are some things you can do to get off the “What If?” highway.

Two of my favorite tools — which help improve your ability to keep your thoughts on the present moment — are:

1. To allot five minutes a day to worrying. If you find catastrophic thoughts creeping up at another time, remind yourself that you cannot think about these until your designated worry time. Go back to focusing on what is happening right now. (When you get to your worry time, you may not even be able to remember what it was you were worrying about earlier.)

2. Try the “Then What” exercise. Imagine the event you are concerned about actually happening, then ask yourself, “Then what?” From that point, ask “then what?” again. Keep going until you have reached the end of the questioning. Oftentimes, you will see that the fear is bigger in your mind than what could actually happen. This exercise helps create perspective. It also gives you the opportunity to see how much time you may be wasting worrying about what might happen rather than focusing on what is actually happening.

Allow yourself to step out of fear and into freedom. The only moment you are guaranteed is the one that is happening right now. When you project into the future — and a dismal one at that — you miss your life as it is happening and draw the misery-perception-turned-reality toward you since you are resonating on that energetic frequency. (Your mind is like a garden; what you nurture and put your attention on, grows. Why not choose to nurture what you desire rather than what you fear?)

I have been through many traumatic and scary experiences in my life. Worrying about them would not have changed how I handled them; it would only have robbed me of moments that I cannot get back.

Worrying and preparing are two different things, so do not confuse the two. I am not saying be unprepared, I am only suggesting that ruminating on your fear fantasy does not better prepare you for anything.

Let’s get honest and share — we’ve all been there or are struggling still, so no need to judge or hold back your feelings. Are you an excessive worrier? What triggers your worry muscle? Are you confused by the differences between being prepared and worrying? What tools have you discovered that yank you out of future-tripping and back to the here and now?