It’s the edge. Another empty life, another empty hope. I don't know how to go on from here. An outraging loneliness inside, feeding on my faiths. Lost control, in silence I admit. In doubt and vain, I wish for wistful rain. What have I become? A million ghosts of whispers. No skies to rest my soul, no stars to be dreamt of. Drowning in my oceans, oblivion of my heart. Life murdered with all of what might have been. And now, I stand here. Echoes of regrets and loneliness. Push me beyond the edge, for the wheel of life keeps going on.
Why did I have to let him go?
Why did I have to rip my heart out, keep my head high, and walk straight into an unknown future?
Time. It’s about time that I needed to realize my self-worth, my self-respect.
I trusted him, but he couldn’t take the responsibility. I trusted him, I trusted him.
Trust, trust, and trust. Such a small word, that could mean the whole world for someone.
I had to reproach myself again, this time however, a different demon to blame.
I had to let go because it’s more powerful than holding on. And I am powerful. I am The Light. I am The Life. And I’ve never seen a life so full of love and warmth.
I miss my home, a home I will never know. For how can a lost soul find a never existing home. It keeps moving around, giving its best for temporary peaceful moments. A well of love, of light.
Intimacy, as simple as the word is, can be considered one of the most important reasons behind the failure of our relationships, regardless of gender, time, distance, or continent.
The idea behind this post has been the fruit of several personal experiences that I am not planning to discuss here. But after some hindsight and reflecting on the past, these ideas seem more than crucial.
Having several relationships has taught me that any human connection without intimacy is doomed to fail. As a matter-of-fact, any relationship, whether love or friendship, will screw up without intimacy.
The main problem with intimacy is that we do not accept the true nature of our feelings, nor admit to the basic needs of our humanity. Intimacy is the gift of giving without asking, trusting without worrying, believing, dreaming, and all that comes with it. Thus, when we are in a relationship with someone, we try to be intimate and open up until we stand emotionally naked in front of our partner. However, this is not what truly happens in most cases, and many never put down their guards. That’s why the first relationship fails, followed by the second, third, fourth, etc.
People need to see the idea of exposing yourself emotionally to your partner and opening up to the darkest corners of your soul. You can argue that trust is something important here. How could I be so weak and emotional?! How can I trust the other person? But with time you enter a stage of trial and error, shuffling between partners and dates, replaying the same games and techniques.
I fully understand that nature requires the need to have relationships, as we are weak social beings in the end, and we will all have relationships and marriages. But my point here is the lack of intimacy. We do not admit that we are weak human beings. We live in the fear of being loved and left behind, to be cheated on or replaced. Therefore, we start creating those fake masks that show our perfect image to everyone around us. Slowly, we start losing our true identities between all these masks, and our intimate feelings drown deep inside. The symptoms start with the excessive fights over silly stuff until they end with a tragedy, where both partners depart with everlasting scars.
Personally, I learned this the hard way. Sometimes I wish someone told me this years ago, but it is never too late.
Open up and trust yourself. Regain your self-confidence so your partner and friends love you for who you truly are. I know it is very difficult to do this, but sometimes you just need to let go of the resistance, instead of forcing acceptance.
Today, I release another post that I worked on recently. Sometimes, letting go is not about acceptance, it is about giving up the resistance.
Hope you enjoy the reading! 🙂
Morning sunrise, you called upon my name
“What have you done?”, but I cannot take the blame
We both fell deeper, giving out our ways
You banged on the walls of my mind, hating all my days
I reached the breaking point, had to break your heart of stone
Cracking down these castles of despair, Heavens cannot be alone
Take my hand, and let all of this pain fade away
As you played with my mind, skies turned to gray
If only I had a compass, for you to find your name
The enchantress, crestfallen life, bowing down in shame
Let the young child in me, see the beauty of this world
Make him dream, what life outside this shell can be
How could he have seen the phantom behind?
Next to this lake, we walk naked, nothing left to lose
For our kingdom will never be the same again
Cold breezes stop to caress your soft pale skin
You shiver, my shell cannot keep you warm anymore
You speak to me, but the words fail in between our shores
Temporary silence fills the gaps, echoes startle my cores
I grew old in front of your eyes, innocence swept away
You never knew that in them was my hideaway
Now we wait for our lights to know your way back home
It’s a beautiful sight from here, the kindest heart set free
Lost for life, I stood here, a well of starlight and warmth
Enclosed by this crystal pond, my hopes letting go
My walls break down, and suddenly I don’t have to be afraid
For I have seen the light, the truth, the sea, the horizon
You are home, and the sunrise is dreaming of your light
I’m beyond the edge, the phantom gave up, for life has never stopped
Under the blue skies, we were lost in this paradise
And my heart was beating, like a thousand drums in a choir
Brick by brick, we built ourselves a house of dreams
Painted it with rainbow feelings and moonlit promises
Darling, who could have known that love hurts like this
Next time I create the heavens, I won’t let you down
I’ll deliver you from all of this, smoke and mirrors
Eternal walks along my heart, as my time was running out
You sighed shyly, your crystal eyes shining brightly
Sweetheart, the horizon was not that far for both of us
Temporary serenades tranquil your beautiful loneliness
My fallen angel, life is all yours now, in birth and in death
Now sleep well dear heart, for you have been darkly desired
I’ll lay down with you, never forsake your light, dreaming again