It’s the edge. Another empty life, another empty hope. I don't know how to go on from here. An outraging loneliness inside, feeding on my faiths. Lost control, in silence I admit. In doubt and vain, I wish for wistful rain. What have I become? A million ghosts of whispers. No skies to rest my soul, no stars to be dreamt of. Drowning in my oceans, oblivion of my heart. Life murdered with all of what might have been. And now, I stand here. Echoes of regrets and loneliness. Push me beyond the edge, for the wheel of life keeps going on.
Why did I have to let him go?
Why did I have to rip my heart out, keep my head high, and walk straight into an unknown future?
Time. It’s about time that I needed to realize my self-worth, my self-respect.
I trusted him, but he couldn’t take the responsibility. I trusted him, I trusted him.
Trust, trust, and trust. Such a small word, that could mean the whole world for someone.
I had to reproach myself again, this time however, a different demon to blame.
I had to let go because it’s more powerful than holding on. And I am powerful. I am The Light. I am The Life. And I’ve never seen a life so full of love and warmth.
I miss my home, a home I will never know. For how can a lost soul find a never existing home. It keeps moving around, giving its best for temporary peaceful moments. A well of love, of light.
Intimacy, as simple as the word is, can be considered one of the most important reasons behind the failure of our relationships, regardless of gender, time, distance, or continent.
The idea behind this post has been the fruit of several personal experiences that I am not planning to discuss here. But after some hindsight and reflecting on the past, these ideas seem more than crucial.
Having several relationships has taught me that any human connection without intimacy is doomed to fail. As a matter-of-fact, any relationship, whether love or friendship, will screw up without intimacy.
The main problem with intimacy is that we do not accept the true nature of our feelings, nor admit to the basic needs of our humanity. Intimacy is the gift of giving without asking, trusting without worrying, believing, dreaming, and all that comes with it. Thus, when we are in a relationship with someone, we try to be intimate and open up until we stand emotionally naked in front of our partner. However, this is not what truly happens in most cases, and many never put down their guards. That’s why the first relationship fails, followed by the second, third, fourth, etc.
People need to see the idea of exposing yourself emotionally to your partner and opening up to the darkest corners of your soul. You can argue that trust is something important here. How could I be so weak and emotional?! How can I trust the other person? But with time you enter a stage of trial and error, shuffling between partners and dates, replaying the same games and techniques.
I fully understand that nature requires the need to have relationships, as we are weak social beings in the end, and we will all have relationships and marriages. But my point here is the lack of intimacy. We do not admit that we are weak human beings. We live in the fear of being loved and left behind, to be cheated on or replaced. Therefore, we start creating those fake masks that show our perfect image to everyone around us. Slowly, we start losing our true identities between all these masks, and our intimate feelings drown deep inside. The symptoms start with the excessive fights over silly stuff until they end with a tragedy, where both partners depart with everlasting scars.
Personally, I learned this the hard way. Sometimes I wish someone told me this years ago, but it is never too late.
Open up and trust yourself. Regain your self-confidence so your partner and friends love you for who you truly are. I know it is very difficult to do this, but sometimes you just need to let go of the resistance, instead of forcing acceptance.